23/5/2022

 Hola. It's bday week 

7 days to the day and 29 years 5 months. 23 d of survival.

 How did i live ?

I swear I m in the LOWEST VALLEY of my life. If anyone could kill me, plz do cos the pain are VERY MUCH A TORTURE . YES TORTURE !

Idk what else to say.  I rmb now. I hope the last 5 months of my life. There is a microchip where I can delete,UNINSTALL so I don't fill this hurt and pain. 

Asking myself did I not forgive Addy? Maybe that's why it's so tough. How could I forgive the person who hurt me also the person who give me so much HOPE to live ?

Ask me what's my bday wish. All I want was sincere  hugs/ cuddles (yea) I m so broken. 

Just now. I m just wondering do I ever make it to 30? 

Till then. I appreciate jayla for hanging on! 

I'm also VERY VERY EXTREMELY  HURT of this rolling tears and very exhausted.  God 

Very.

18/08/2021

TOTALLY NOT FEELING IT . Haha feel what sia

Can I don't work pls. Don't know why but I lack the skills.
I have become all very immune and want to just give up of people's cray expectations or really I just....

God, sent me your gang and your holy spirit 

God pls 

But here I'm thinking bout ppls, having backacheeeee

:( 😑

9.55pm

2019 November ( u may start here )

Dunno y I suddenly wanna blog but I have so many things to say .


About LG , about family.  My thoughts just surfaced one by one .one after another hahaha I wish I had a boyfriend then everytime I see something I have a thought I just expressed my thoughts ya.

Today went to ah ma's so I bought char siew roti .aiya then u know what my uncle said u should not buy charsiew chicken. why u buy chicken so I was thinking on that line maybe this charsiew meat is unhealthy so he said that

 He told me " I watch this video" ( confirm is Buddhism video ) cos my bro teach him how to use YouTube. All they watched is Buddhism video . I. don't even watch christianity video (sermon).ok but don't know what this video is circulating and teaching .I should start to input some Christian Chinese sermon maybe so his search engine won't be wrong.


He told me if u eat chicken a lot. U recarinate then u become chicken .Omo? .I wish ppl stop circulating this kinda video .Even before i come back to god, a Buddhist believer told me this. I m half doubtful but I kinda wanna believe him because it sounds so convincing.
"If u eat this animal, u will recarinate and become this animal". Walao eh
I tell u now and I can confirm u do not become what u eat .

 Haix . Can ppl stop circulating rubbish video .I mean of Buddhism teach some normal correct teaching about values,go ahead. What kind of superstition is circulating around ? And the church that say god is the mother. What mother? I only have one mother . One godly dada and one biological  dada .


Dunno laaaaa. Haha we pray ok . Anyways I think LG maybe should not book restaurant for birthday celeb .i It will be better. I will say my options later.



Ok today actually I m contemplating I should go to prayer encounter cos I m a lazy Christian ma lol . At least I tryna connect with GOD. .....
but off cos I can do better .I m not a lazy Christian .I m a lazy person lol .

Ok I shall improve .today is a great Sunday .woohoo because iget to pray and p&w mi think I should start praying for bro .I cannot see him honouring god and I dunno how to tell him what for play p&w and he everyday curse No wonder my mom say he Christian for what .feel like scolding him now but I shall not.

Alright
Goodnye

My true feelings

I was looking forward to last weekend cos like finally I had something to loOK foward to Cos I told someone to fetch me and although he was late .he did !

It was a pleasant frI cos I said I wanted to eat western and I thot we did go IKEA cos then was our inital plan but we didn't (:

I felt so shiok on the road looking at the city outta car window it was  AMAAAAZING .I HAD NEVER HAD A SUPER NICE WEEKEND FOR THE LONEST TIME .THANKSBRUH<3

Now my tears are dripping as I type cos I dunno how do I even come this far and not forgetting I had 3/4 of My life to go still

When I look at the future .I felt bleak .I felt like I see some pain when PPL harm themself in any way like I can feel u .

Not my heart is soft .I know PPl aren't attention seeking cos it isn't really good to cry alome in a dark night with no one to talk to with u wetting ur shirt n mopping the floor with ur mucus .

I dunno how to feel but then I m so thankful for the PPL that r here  For bringing a tinge of happiness .bcos if not for u .[if u feel u do contribute in my life and I m talking ABT ]cos do not know what state I m in...

ve become so strong that everytime this spasm of grave grip my heart .I will still wake up .

Shag 

Bb 

Love me like u do


I m  so shag of the pain that is pulling me apart .the ointment I put just for more comfort but I m so beat still.

Sometimes I wonder if spending  my time with some ppl are worth cos these time I will never get back .

I want t

Here I m late for movie cos I m down  with tummyache .OMG ,I wanna watch the tag along2 so bad :(

Here I m breathing but I dunno how  to cope with life. Struggling ....

Its been 2 yrs since I last pen my thots. Ok updates.Nothing change cos I m down with depression. I don`t know what I m living for each day ...

I fall out of love .I hurt .I learn how hamanity was like .Doesn't mean u dun bite a lion means a lion don`t bite u .

Our love started like a freaking Korean drama  .He would make an effort to meet me and type long txt ,nt really long but its the expressive emotion kind Everyday but time pass and things change and thr change was  in a blink  of an eye

SWEET MONENTS DONT LAST
🐖

I rmb how I ask for not breaking up but the hurt  u gave me  was nothing compare to the love and effort I had put in for u .The physical and emotional hurt and my life was at risk in ur hands.

Till now,i m still freaking lost with what I had to deal with .Time to time,I hope a miracle will happen .My life would change. I felt isolated  bcos of the things that are happening .the things that ppl do that make me feel trapped .NOW I geddit why I love romance cos it's the feeling that u won't get in real life .the hype . The love .


 I need someone here so bad cos I cannot be strong alone.sometimes.

 I wish i could f***k those pain away cos at least the moment of estacy kills those tears and 💔💔💔💔💘

But nope I m fucking tired to deal with the same shit .I just want my own space .my own space even there is no one to hug or cuddle .it's ok .I m tired of being not love .being strong thru In a cold .no humanity world!:(

Actually all I wanna do is just lie in the arms of my love and sleep

FOREVER ....

#SHAGISANUNDERSTATEMENT
5 hrs to finish this blogpost

TGIF

TGIFPost is M18 (cotent contain  coarse language )

I m fucking in a bad mood ,period +consti
I was Okay this morning
Eh seriously la ,STFU LA

I JUST WANT PEACE NOTHING ELSE ,
Talk talk talk talk .if u not happy ,kpkb abt urself not abt other ppl la sia ,wtf

Sorry not sorry if my post contain violence and coarse langauge
anger level -2000000000

I miss him ,maybe not ,i m uncertain too
In btw 3am
Missing u ????
Have u ever wonder
Y are u so close (Feel more than a friend )
Yet so far (like an enermy)
From the  only one u love .

No ,I don't love u
I just missed those time

But I m looking ahead
Goodnai:)

btw check out Check out Jeanette Aw (@Jeanette_Aw): https://twitter.com/Jeanette_Aw?s=09